I have a complex complex complex.
Thứ Tư, 18 tháng 8, 2021
The Queen takes the visiting Pope for a ride in a horse carriage through London.
Suddenly one of the horses farts very loudly.
“Oh my goodness, I am so terribly sorry!” apologizes the embarrassed Queen.
“Oh don't worry about it" the Pope replied "If you hadn't said anything, I'd have just thought it was one of the horses!"
An innocent joke to cheer you up...
Lulu, a little girl asks her mum, "Mum, can I take Daisy (a dog) for a walk around the block?"
Mum replies "No, because she is in heat."
"What does that mean?" asked Lulu.
"Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
Lulu goes out to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Daisy for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you."
He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent.
"Ok, you can go now, but keep her on the leash and only go one time around the block."
Lulu left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash... Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Daisy?"
Lulu said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home!"
A man in the locker room of an upscale gym in NYC answers a cell phone and puts it on speaker while he dresses
Everyone else in the room stops to listen. Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.
Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you too.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. The man turns around and says, “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
I saw a homeless man with a sign that read “$1 for a dirty joke”
Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.
Homeless man: “Look there, you can see a Rooster right? How many legs does it have?"
Me: “Two?”
Homeless man: “Correct, now how many wings does this Rooster have?”
Me: “Two?”
Homeless man: “Right, now how many eyes this Rooster have?”
Me: “Two?”
Homeless man: “Correct again! Now look over there, you see a Cat right?
Me: “Yes, I see a cat”
Homeless man: “how many hairs on that cat’s whiskers?”
Me: “I don't know?”
Homeless man: “Bro, why you know so much about cock and know nothing about pussy?”
Two caterpillars are escaping a spider...
They climb up a small branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped.
"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch through the air with grace and finesse.
"That's amazing!" says the second caterpillar. "How are you doing that?!"
The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick?"
Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.
"Why"? Putin asks
" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM in the morning, but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor stuff, remember when that Polish plane crashed with the president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet!!"
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