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Thứ Tư, 18 tháng 8, 2021

Upon Arriving Home, A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife

Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the phamacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it... This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with bunch of perfume bottles on it...all of them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got to answer it.

It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer...and, honest mister, all I did was tell her!"

Why does Batman keep the lower half of his face exposed?

To let the cops know that he’s white

A teacher was reminding her students of their final exam the day after and said

''I won't be accepting any bullcrap excuses for you not being here tomorrow unless nuclear war breaks out, you have a very serious personal injury or there's a death in your immediate family if your not here then you fail the whole year''

The smart ass kid Johnny at the back of the room raises his hand ''What if I come in but I'm suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion? how could I do the test then?''

There were sniggers and laughs from the class until the teacher said ''well in that scenario Johnny, you'll just have to write with your other hand''

I have a fear of overly intricate buildings.

I have a complex complex complex.

The Queen takes the visiting Pope for a ride in a horse carriage through London.

Suddenly one of the horses farts very loudly.

“Oh my goodness, I am so terribly sorry!” apologizes the embarrassed Queen.

“Oh don't worry about it" the Pope replied "If you hadn't said anything, I'd have just thought it was one of the horses!"

An innocent joke to cheer you up...

Lulu, a little girl asks her mum, "Mum, can I take Daisy (a dog) for a walk around the block?"

Mum replies "No, because she is in heat."

"What does that mean?" asked Lulu.

"Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

Lulu goes out to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Daisy for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you."

He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent.

"Ok, you can go now, but keep her on the leash and only go one time around the block."

Lulu left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash... Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Daisy?"

Lulu said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home!"