They are watch dogs
Thứ Sáu, 27 tháng 8, 2021
Friends, please put on a mask. It saves lives.
Yesterday a friend of mine went out with his girlfriend and on the way he passed by his wife, but she did not recognize him. The mask really saved his life.
A guy with no arms walks into a bathroom….
So there’s a guy washing his hands and the guy with no arms says “hey man I’m a lil embarrassed, do you think you could help me out.” So he says sure, unzips the guys pants for him pulls his wiener out for him and it’s just the grossest most disgusting thing he’s ever seen, it’s all red and has open sores on it. So the guy with no arms finishes pissing and the other guy zips him up and he says “hey buddy, I don’t mean to be rude or anything but what’s wrong with your dick?” The guy with no arms pulls his arms outta his shirt and says “fuck if I know, but I ain’t touching it!”
Thanks to a very healthy lifestyle, a married couple live well into their 100s
One day they are both killed in a tragic accident, and go to heaven.
On the first morning, they go up to God and ask where the gym is. "Gym?" God replies, "you don't need to go to the gym here, you'll always be in perfect shape even if you never exercise." The wife says how nice that is, but the husband looks a little bit annoyed.
In the afternoon, they go back to God and ask where they can get high factor sunscreen. "This is heaven, you don't need it anymore, the sun can't burn you or give you cancer, enjoy the beaches." The wife is satisfied, but the husband starts looking genuinely angry.
Later in the evening, they go to God and ask where they can find a health food restaurant for dinner. "We don't have health food restaurants, you can eat as much as you want of whatever you want and never feel bloated or gain any weight."
Finally the husband snaps, and yells at his wife "You see?! You see?! If it wasn't for your bloody bran muffins, I could've been here forty years ago!"
(NSFW) A naked woman gets into a taxi
A naked woman gets into a taxi and the driver can’t stop staring at her. she asks him “what’s the matter? you never seen a woman without her clothing?” he replies “that’s not the issue ma’am; what i’m worried about is where the money to pay me is.
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