.."you'll just have to learn to be a little patient"
Thứ Hai, 30 tháng 8, 2021
Jesus on the cross
It's the day of Jesus' crucifixion, and Peter is consoling Mary at the bottom of the hill in Golgotha. Suddenly, Peter hears Jesus calling to him, summoning him up the hill.
Frantically, Peter sets off to make his way to his Savior. Unwillingly, he is stopped by two guards. Again, Jesus calls to Peter, and again, Peter attempts to answer, but the guards bring him to a hault. Peter weeps in remorse.
One last time, Jesus moans for Peter's appearance. Determined not to fail his Grace, Peter shoves past the standing guards and triumphantly stands at the bleeding feet of his King.
"My Lord, anything for you. What is it, my King?"
"Peter," Jesus painstakingly replies.
"Yes, what is it you must tell me?" Peter anxiously asks.
"Peter, I, I, I can see your house from up here."
A Fleeing Taliban, desperate for water,
was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties. The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?" The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only £5." The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!" "OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess. It has all the ice cold water you need. Inshallah." Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped: "They won't let me in without a fucking tie!”
I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
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