Did you hear about the man who installed a window in his butt?

It was a pane in the ass.

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My dogs hair was getting long so I told my friend about it

He told me to go to the groomers

I don’t see how the pope is gonna help

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Old Woman

An old lady is walking down the street carrying 2 large sacks and one is leaking 20$ bills.

A cop stops her and asks "Where did an old lady like you get all that money?" and she replied,

Well you see I live behind a golf course and when the golfers need to pee they stick their penis in a hole in my fence and pee in my yard, well it got to be a problem because it was killing all my flowers,

the cop replied. "Ok, now why the money.

The old lady continued, "Well I started standing behind my fence with a pair of hedge clips so that when the golfers stick their penis though the fence I put the clippers around it and yell 20$ or it comes clean off.

The cops says sounds fair-- now what's in the other sack

" not everyone pays"

Edit for grammer

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My gf borrowed $100 from me. After 3 years, when we seperated, she returned exactly $100.

I lost interest in that relationship.

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"

The bartender considers it, then agrees.

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.

He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.

The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the night,the bartender thinks that nothing could possibly top the first trick so he agrees.

The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog.

"Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale."

The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front.

"No," he insists, "he's not for sale."

The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash.

The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded.

"That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!"

"Don't worry about it." the man answered.

"The frog was really nothing special.

You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

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I have the worst parents ever. I asked them how they felt on abortion, and they told me to ask my sister.

Not only did they not give a straight answer, I don't even have a sister.

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Comparing Texas lawmakers with the Taliban seems a little extreme.

One is authoritarian theocracy armed by US weapons manufacturers that violently persecutes women and children in the name of religion and the other is the Taliban.

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