A man holding several miniature pigs walks into a bar.

"Hey, barkeep!" he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry. "Any room for me and my friends?"

The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his friends inside, but the cups are too small.

"Um...barkeep?" the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender reaches for some larger mugs, but as he places them next to the cups, it becomes obvious that even these will be too small for the pigs.

Seeing the man struggle to continue holding them, the bartender runs to the kitchen for help.

A cook emerges, holding several large measuring cups. "Sorry, I just used these to make a batch of cheese dip, but they're all yours!"

The man carefully plops each pig into its respective gooey yellow cup.

Arms exhausted, breathing heavily, he drops into a stool at the end of the bar, between his tiny friends and a beautiful girl.

He glances her way, gasping coyly. "Hey...I'm...Tom."

She smiles, having watched the whole ordeal. "Hi Tom, I'm Liz. And if you don't mind me asking..." she laughs, looking over his shoulder, "what was that all about?"

He glances back at the bar. "Yeah...sorry," he pants. "I wanted...to impress you, but...it turned out to be...a pretty cheesy...pig-cup line."

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After my wide died, I couldn’t look at another woman for 18 years

But when i got out of prison, it was totally worth it

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A Black Man, a White Man, an Indian, and a Jew board a small plane

As they are flying, one of the engines break down. The pilot shouts to the passengers, "This plane is too heavy, we're all gonna crash! I need one of you to jump off to save the rest of us!"

The black man stands up, punches his fist into the air, and says, "I wanna be like Martin Luther King." He then leaps off the plane.

The plane manages to stay aloft, until a 2nd engine breaks down. The pilot once more shouts, "This is bad. I need another one of you to get off!"

The Indian man stands up, punches his fist into the air, and says, "I wanna be like Gandhi." He then hops off the plane.

The plane manages to continue until it is almost at the airport when a 3rd engine breaks down. The pilot makes one final request. "We're almost there, but I still need another one of you to jump!"

The white man stands up, punches his fist into the air, and says, "I wanna be like Hitler." He then pushes the Jew off the plane.

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Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance,

Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. “I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.” She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.” Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. She said, “You told me your penis was the size of an infant!” “Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!”

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‌‌I w‌‌as f‌‌ucking m‌‌y s‌‌ecretary u‌‌p t‌‌he a‌‌rse w‌‌hen m‌‌y w‌‌ife w‌‌alked i‌‌n

She s‌‌aid, "‌‌You c‌‌an't d‌‌o t‌‌his t‌‌o m‌‌e!"

I s‌‌aid, "‌‌I k‌‌now... t‌‌hat's w‌‌hy I‌‌'m d‌‌oing i‌‌t t‌‌o h‌‌er.

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A woman who sleeps with 10 guys is called a whore! If a MAN were to do the same, what would he be called?

Gay. He'd be called gay.

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How easy is it to get reddit karma?

It's a piece of cake.

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