A man stores his money in a bank

A well looking man is at the bank and wants to deposit 100.000$, the bank manager gets closer to him and says:

"I have notice that you deposit huge amounts of cash every few days, is it OK if I ask, where to do find the money?"

"I'm betting" says the man

"what kind of betting?"

"let's put a bet to see, for 2.000$ the next Monday I will come back and I will have cut my balls"

The bank manager thinks about it and desited that there is no way the man will cut his balls for 2.000$ so he agrees.

The days passed and the man gets back to the bank all smiling, the bank manager gets close to him and says:

"So, you did it? did I lost?"

"you can check for your self" says the man, and the bank manager put his hand in the pants to check if the man still had his balls, and quite predictable, he still had his balls.

"I don't get it, you just lost 2.000$"

"yes" says the man, "but do you see the clerk at the door crying?"

"yes, why? "

"well, as I was coming here, I put a bet with him for 10.000$ that his boss will be touching my balls in 10 minutes"

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Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics?

because they practice at the best schools

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r/jokes has a discord and you need to join!

Over 17k members! Come see reposts in real time!

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How many republicans does it take to fix a light bulb?

None. Trump tells them it's fixed and the rest just sit in the dark and applaud.

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A guy in a bar bets the bartender $50 that he can lick his eyeball

The bartender agrees

The man takes his glass eye out, and bites it

The bartender angrily gives the man his money

The man bets the bartender $500 dollars that he can bite his other eyeball too

The bartender agrees to the bet, because the man was not blind

The man pulls out his dentures and lightly chomps them on his other eyeball

The bartender is fuming, but gives the man his money

The man then orders a beer, and walks away

The man walks back, and bets the bartender $1000 that he can piss directly into a shot glass while running, with 2 attempts

The bartender knows for a fact that this is impossible, and agrees to the bet

On attempt 1, the man gets piss everywhere, and none in the shot glass

The bartender smirks, with high hopes

On attempt 2, the man once again pisses everywhere in the bar, except for the glass

The bartender jumps up and down in excitement, knowing that he has won

Then another man in the corner of the bar screams 'FUCK'

When the bartender asks what the problem is, the man says,
"That asshole just bet me $10,000 that he could piss all over the bar, and that you would be happy"

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There are only two rules you need to follow to become extremely succesful in life.

1. Not revealing everything you know.

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An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman, and a Scotsman are all on a hot air balloon.

The conductor almost panicked says, “there’s too much weight! Someone needs to jump off, or we’re going to crash!” The Welshman bravely steps up, “For the glory of wales!” And the Welshman throws himself off. The conductor still panicked says, “okay, we’re close but there is still too much weight!” The Irishman, in a patriotic manner yells, “For Ireland!” And throws the Englishman off

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