King of the house jungle.
This cat who's got something to say:
"Clearly, I am a lion."
This cat with a mismatched mane:
"Still feelin' my look."
This silent stalker:
"Shh...hunting bugs."
And this king in the trees:
"Ready to pounce!"
Thứ Hai, 31 tháng 8, 2015
21 Dogs Who Were The Perfect Ring Bearers
Nobody gets the job done better than these guys!
"Today was the ultimate day for me to be a good boy, and I think I nailed it!"
"Congratulations to ME for a job well done!"
"I'm basically the star of the show."
"This outfit really takes things to the next level for me."
11 Korn Videos Better Than Anything You Saw At The VMAs
Arrrrrreeeee youuuu reeeeeaaaaady?
"Never Never" (2013)
Watered-down, late-era Korn. With dubstep in the bridge.
"Love & Meth" (2013)
I didn't actually watch this one but great title, right?
"Make Me Bad" (1999)
Korn's most expensive video, from the last gasp of the music video era, starring Brigitte Nielsen.
"Falling Away from Me" (1999)
I mean...it won a VMA.
A captain of the Foreign Legion is transferred...
...to a new military station in the middle of the desert. When he gets there, he sees that a camel gets a special treatment: it lives in a nice room, the men gently feed it, etc.
"Tell me, why does everyone care about that camel so much?" he asks the sergeant.
"Well, you know, so many men confined to the camp for so long, without any women... so when in need, we use the camel."
"Well, that's weird enough, but if it doesn't affect the morale, I guess it's fine."
After six tough months, the captain feels the need, too. He tells the sergeant:
"Sergeant, bring that camel into my room!"
The sergeant takes the camel to his room, where the captain has his way with the animal. Next morning, the captain tells the sergeant:
"See, now I know what the men are using the camel for as well!"
"Did you also go into town to visit the girls, sir?"
How Wheels On the Buses Will Stop North Korea
Total travel the perfect time to and from Wheels on the bus: about some hours.
"The first day I attended school, I was like, do I really need to do this? " Freeman, 18, said. But the ride easily became routine, and now Freeman doesn't hesitate to shoot down the notion of trading the two-hour holiday to the science and technology magnet school for that 10 minutes it would take him to go to his local high school.
It used to be that students with the longest bus rides were those that have rural addresses. Today, however, increasingly more of the longest school bus commutes belong to suburban students, willing to put in the time in order to attend a prestigious magnet university.
"Oh, I think it's worth it, " said Freeman, a senior at Thomas Jefferson. "I'm very happy at this school. It's a type of opportunities that comes to maybe a lucky few students. "
Sometimes the length of the trips that students are likely to endure even surprises adults.
"I'll inform you when I felt it -- upon that rare occasion when little ones miss the bus, and I am just taking them home. I'm pondering, 'Wow, "' said Montgomery Blair High school Principal Phillip Gainous. Long commutes have grown routine at the Silver Spring senior high school, one of the largest inside Montgomery and home to magnet programs in communications and scientific discipline that lure students from across the county.
School officials across the region strain to keep regular, in-boundary school bus rides under an hour. But that has no having on magnet school commutes, which easily stretch longer. Students learn to make the best of the idea: One recent morning, a selection of Thomas Jefferson freshmen huddled around a tiny light clamped to a math textbook to examine for a test. Another college student strummed a guitar. Still others dozed to music from their portable CD players.
Montgomery Blair once offered a pal program that gave far-flung students safe places to keep if the roads were tied up with bad weather or mishaps. But the program died out from lack of use, Gainous said. "We don't do that any more, because the kids are very much accustomed to traveling or waiting at the school, " he said. "They just sleep or do their groundwork. "
Grace Chung, a 15-year-old Thomas Jefferson sophomore, tries to squeeze in some study time on the bus. But she's seen far far more intricate maneuvers: A friend once made a full poster for spirit week, full of glitter, during the commute to school.
"She had her glue in addition to her glitter. She would pour it on the glue and then pour it in the jar -- I don't think she spilled a single section of glitter, " she said.
Grace's bottom school is Chantilly. Like any kind of traffic-hardened veteran, she separates your ex commuting time into "good visitors days" and "bad traffic days to weeks. "
"Sometimes if traffic is absolutely good, we get there from 8 a. m., " vacation of about a half-hour, Leeway said. "And sometimes we make it right before the bell rings" at 8: 30. On a recent icy morning that spawned a multitude of car accidents and backups, Grace got to school at 9: thirty.
She sees the positives. "You make many friends on the bus. I can take homework that I don't discover how to do and say, 'Here, help me. ' There's some math whizzes about the bus. It's like study hallway. "
In Prince William Nation, 18-year-old Alan Hogan's hour-long bus ride is a lot more like those of old: No magnetic field school, he just lives in the rural, western part of the county. The stars are still bright when Hogan gets for the bus each morning. He attends Stonewall Jackson High school, near Manassas. Prince William is developing a high school for western-area learners, but it won't open right up until 2004.
Until then, the kids just get used to the journey.
Do "U Got It Bad," According To Usher?
Does your love have the Usher stamp of approval?
Do you need to confirm your results?
Thumbnail image Frank Micelotta / Getty Images
16 Photos That Are Way Too Real For People Who Hate Spiders
Warning: contains many pictures of creepy-crawlies. All of them taken in Britain, so you’ll never feel safe again #sorrynotsorry.
Two gay men are travelling...
...on a plane. Let's call them Steve and Bill.
"Dude, what if we had sex?" asks Steve.
"You crazy? Here, on the plane? It would be awkward, everyone would watch us doing it..."
"Man, nobody is even paying attention to anything. Look!"
Steve stands up and asks loudly:
"Could I have a pencil, please?"
Nobody gives a damn. Everyone is sleeping, reading, looking out the window, etc.
"They really wouldn't care then, would they?" says Bill.
So Steve and Bill have wild sex on the plane.
Later, when the plane arrives to the airport and the people are leaving, the stewardess sees an old man who threw up all over his shirt, even his pants are soaking in the filth.
"Sir, you should've asked for a bag!"
"I didn't dare" whispers the old man. "A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a pencil and he got fucked in the ass..."
It Did What? 15 Secrets About Video for Cats
The internet offers loads of leisure that is certainly very true whenever you take a look at humorous cat videos for cats. They're going to have you rolling and many other of them you will want to watch time in addition to again again. Too typically folks realize cats as purely mendacity round as well as doing nothing. So it will be very magical to allow them to see these creatures in motion and doing little weird factors.
Some of these types of videos have hundreds of people that have looked at them and they are so impressed using what they see they've already talked about these kind of videos on numerous types of social media together with Twitter and Myspace. With so numerous great places on-line to view movies lately you may have a large spectrum of them to find.
What can be neat is that if you watch a amusing cat video there'll often be related to different videos. You'll be able to continue to view more and more of them. You can shed weight your search too if you want to see cats accomplishing explicit things. Be sure to possess numerous time to invest watching them although when you will quickly come to be addicted to them.
You do not wish to sit down in order to only watch a few of these video lessons. Instead, you want to can have plenty of your energy for them. Funny cat video clips are something you possibly can get pleasure from using your co-employees and even they too. It can provide you with a brand new observed appreciation for pet cats, their intelligence, and for different mishaps that these people participate in from time to time.
If you have a very cat, get ones video digicam prepared too. There might be instances if you are glad you were efficient at capture what they did on video. It is not exhausting to add such movies or edit them. Then you can actually share them along with your complete world because there isn't any denying that cats are much more entertaining than most people give them credit rating for.
If you uncover humorous cat videos for you to really take joy in, ahead the hyperlink to different cat lovers on the market. It's going to lighten up their day to discover them and they'll fondly understand that you've dispatched these. After they view other funny cat videos they may remember to forward these to you in order that you simply continue to are able to see them.
We humans generally balk at being in comparison to our animal counterparts, typically because many of us perceive ourselves to become somewhat superior than them and for some of us, we struggle to acknowledge the fact that we share specific basic attributes not simply physiologically, but psychologically as well. It can end up being quite fascinating to record after which witness firsthand the particular dynamics between animals, the manner by which they respond in order to certain situations, stimuli as well as other animals. The results can often be rather humorous especially once we see just precisely how eerily humanlike this conduct is.
Many of the most successful videos are those which show the cats acting in an irritable manner whenever they have been woken up when they've been asleep or wherever they snatch meals back from another cat or possibly a person whenever in which cat or individual steals it at their store. The reason these videos are so funny is because we can actually relate and empathize while using the cat, in other words besides can we understand why they reacted how they did but also you can also agree with the best way it acted. Some people item to funny feline videos and almost any video which attempts make use of animals for comic affect on the basis that it's abusive, exploitative and violates the creatures rights.
That depends solely on the manner in which the funny cat videos are in reality conducted and registered, as well as the manner in which the cat behaves during the video. Thankfully, the steps needed to obtain successful amusing cat videos are precisely much like the steps for getting an ethical just one, meaning that there's a major incentive for that person recording the particular funny cat videos to ensure they act conscientiously.
If you need to be successful with ones funny cat videos, you need to ensure that the manner that the cats behave is a natural and also realistic one. Whilst it is most likely inevitable that you have got to manipulate the setting etc in order to get a desired influence, it is essential that you keep this into a minimum. This is perfect for one simple purpose: if the hilarious cat videos search too contrived (and confidence me, it is rather obvious) then you won't generate the same level of interest or enjoyment as being a video that has a more natural development.
Some of these types of videos have hundreds of people that have looked at them and they are so impressed using what they see they've already talked about these kind of videos on numerous types of social media together with Twitter and Myspace. With so numerous great places on-line to view movies lately you may have a large spectrum of them to find.
What can be neat is that if you watch a amusing cat video there'll often be related to different videos. You'll be able to continue to view more and more of them. You can shed weight your search too if you want to see cats accomplishing explicit things. Be sure to possess numerous time to invest watching them although when you will quickly come to be addicted to them.
You do not wish to sit down in order to only watch a few of these video lessons. Instead, you want to can have plenty of your energy for them. Funny cat video clips are something you possibly can get pleasure from using your co-employees and even they too. It can provide you with a brand new observed appreciation for pet cats, their intelligence, and for different mishaps that these people participate in from time to time.
If you have a very cat, get ones video digicam prepared too. There might be instances if you are glad you were efficient at capture what they did on video. It is not exhausting to add such movies or edit them. Then you can actually share them along with your complete world because there isn't any denying that cats are much more entertaining than most people give them credit rating for.
If you uncover humorous cat videos for you to really take joy in, ahead the hyperlink to different cat lovers on the market. It's going to lighten up their day to discover them and they'll fondly understand that you've dispatched these. After they view other funny cat videos they may remember to forward these to you in order that you simply continue to are able to see them.
We humans generally balk at being in comparison to our animal counterparts, typically because many of us perceive ourselves to become somewhat superior than them and for some of us, we struggle to acknowledge the fact that we share specific basic attributes not simply physiologically, but psychologically as well. It can end up being quite fascinating to record after which witness firsthand the particular dynamics between animals, the manner by which they respond in order to certain situations, stimuli as well as other animals. The results can often be rather humorous especially once we see just precisely how eerily humanlike this conduct is.
Many of the most successful videos are those which show the cats acting in an irritable manner whenever they have been woken up when they've been asleep or wherever they snatch meals back from another cat or possibly a person whenever in which cat or individual steals it at their store. The reason these videos are so funny is because we can actually relate and empathize while using the cat, in other words besides can we understand why they reacted how they did but also you can also agree with the best way it acted. Some people item to funny feline videos and almost any video which attempts make use of animals for comic affect on the basis that it's abusive, exploitative and violates the creatures rights.
That depends solely on the manner in which the funny cat videos are in reality conducted and registered, as well as the manner in which the cat behaves during the video. Thankfully, the steps needed to obtain successful amusing cat videos are precisely much like the steps for getting an ethical just one, meaning that there's a major incentive for that person recording the particular funny cat videos to ensure they act conscientiously.
If you need to be successful with ones funny cat videos, you need to ensure that the manner that the cats behave is a natural and also realistic one. Whilst it is most likely inevitable that you have got to manipulate the setting etc in order to get a desired influence, it is essential that you keep this into a minimum. This is perfect for one simple purpose: if the hilarious cat videos search too contrived (and confidence me, it is rather obvious) then you won't generate the same level of interest or enjoyment as being a video that has a more natural development.
The Boss calls his secretary..
The boss calls his female secretary & says:"Get ready for the weekend, We are going on a business trip."
The secretary calls husband & says:"Me & my boss are going on a business trip for 2 days so takecare of urself"
The husband calls his girlfriend & says:"My wife is going on a business trip, come home we can have fun"
The girlfriend calls the boy to whom she gives tuition: "No tuition this weekend."
The boy calls his father:"Dad, at last we can spend this weekend together."
Dad (The boss) calls his secretary & says:"Business trip is cancelled. I'm going to spend weekend with my son"
The secretary calls husband:"I won't be going"
The husband calls his girlfriend:"I am sorry My wife is not going "
The girlfriend calls boy:"You have tuition"
Boy calls his father & says:"Sorry Dad, I've classes"
The Dad calls his secretary.....
The theory of infinite loop.
A little boy and his grandfather
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
13 Instantly Iconic Moments From Demi Lovato's VMAs Performance
Spoiler alert: Demetria Devonne slayed.
Demi Lovato performed at the Video Music Awards for the first time Sunday night and — surprise, surprise — she totally slayed.
(It was not, in any way, a surprise.)
Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images
She started the performance by feeling herself up.
MTV
And then she ditched her faux-fur coat to stay ~cool for the summer~.
MTV
She followed that up by disposing of her glasses in the sexiest way possible.
MTV
A man has Super Bowl tickets
A man and his new wife make a pact to go to every Super Bowl. After 43 years the wife passes away, but the man continues their tradition and goes to the next super bowl. Another man sitting in the same row sees the empty seat next to the man and asks "why is this seat empty? It's the super bowl?" And the man replies "well it was my wife's seat but she passed away" and the other asks " well did you not want to invite anyone else?, any family?" And the man responds "I did but nobody would come with me" and the other remarks, "man that's tough your wife dies and they wouldn't come to the super bowl with you, what did they have to do that was better?" And the man says, "well her funeral was today."
Here's Every Insane Thing Miley Cyrus Wore At The VMAs
Kind of crazy, no?
Suspenders, nips, and tongue.
Mark Ralston / AFP / Getty Images
Your mom drinking a few too many margs at the neighborhood FIESTA.
Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images
BALLS and/or Easter M&Ms.
Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images
New Adventures In Cutouts.
Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images
21 Things Celebrities Looked Like At The 2015 MTV VMAs
As expected, celebrities made some ~questionable~ outfit choices at this year’s show.
Jason Merritt / Getty Images
Gaumont
Rebel Wilson's Face When Nicki Minaj Called Miley Cyrus Out Is Hilarious AF
Rebel Wilson channeled how everyone in America felt.
In case you missed it, Nicki Minaj dragged Miley Cyrus on live television at this year's VMAs.
Minaj called Miley out after the singer made comments about the rapper being "not too kind" earlier in the week. MINAJ. WENT. THERE. ?
MTV
But can we please discuss Rebel Wilson's hilarious O-face during that tense moment?!
MTV
MTV
Nicki Minaj Just Called Miley Cyrus Out At The VMAs
WHAT IS GOING ON?!
OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.
MTV
WHAT IS HAPPENING CAN'T STOP SCREAMING.
Rebel's face like "Holycrapholycrapholycrap, I thought I was crazy but rappers be CRAY."
MTV
OH, NICKI IS COMING FOR YOU, MILEY.
I'm pretty sure that stare could slice you like a stick of butter.
MTV
Taylor Swift's "Wildest Dreams" Music Video Is Old Hollywood Perfection
Cause of death: SLAYLOR SWIFT.
Swifties across the globe: the time has finally come. The "Wildest Dreams" music video that we've been waiting, dreaming, and hoping for just premiered at the MTV VMAs Pre-Show and IT IS TRULY EVERYTHING.
They lit'rally got outta this town, drove out of the city, away from the crowds.
Taylor stands in a nice dress and stares at the sunset.
And looks flawless af in her movie star gown next to a giraffe, as one does.
Here's What Everyone Wore To The 2015 MTV VMAs
Check back throughout the night for updates!
Miley Cyrus
Christopher Polk / Getty Images
Taylor Swift
Larry Busacca / Getty Images
The Weeknd
Frazer Harrison / Getty Images
Wale
Jason Merritt / Getty Images
These Are The Vine Stars Taking Over MTV's Account For The VMAs
A quick primer on the most famous people you may never have heard of.
MTV's Video Music Awards are tonight, and the network is trying something new. In addition to the Miley Cyrus-curated show, MTV is making a play for a young audience on another platform — Vine. MTV is using the six-second video network for a second screen experience, and Vine's biggest stars are being enlisted to make it happen. Among a certain set, Vine stars are the new Beatles. Or at least, One Direction. Yet for most people, they're completely famous and totally unknown. Here's who you'll see tonight.
Lizzza
A college student and Vine star — Lizzza, or Liza Koshy, has more than 2 million followers. Lizzza has already been taking over the MTV Vine account for the last few days with a bunch of pre-show stunts.
The 17 Most Underrated Beyoncé Songs
It’s not easy being ***Flawless, but this playlist of Queen Bey’s slept-on hits will help you get there.
"Freakum Dress"
Album: B'Day
Why it's good: This song is the ultimate hype track before a night out. Not feelin' your look when you first take a glance in the mirror? Put on "Freakum Dress" and hit a lil' twerk for yourself. You'll be singing a new tune in no time.
Sample lyric: "Soon as you saw me, turned on by how the dress was fitting right
/ Short and backless (backless, backless) / See my silhouette in the moonlight"
Columbia / Via mentalsubtitlesnyc.com
"Yes"
Album: Dangerously in Love
Why it's great: This gem has a very old-timey vibe to it. Although it's a sad song about being fed up with a relationship, you'll find yourself lightly snapping your fingers to this laid-back jam because it's still Beyoncé. Duh.
Sample lyric: "You was on the wall, I was with my crew / You was watchin' me, baby, I was watchin' you"
Columbia / Via giphy.com
"Hip Hop Star" feat. Big Boi and Sleepy Brown
Album: Dangerously in Love
Why it's great: Sultry Beyoncé is the best Beyoncé and you'll definitely become hypnotized by her breathy singing as the hard beat of the song knocks in the background.
Sample lyric: "Are you infatuated with me, I could end your curiosity / If you don't think I'm too rude, Here's your chance to make your move"
Columbia / Via youtube.com
"Kitty Kat"
Album: B'Day
Why it's good: King Bey talks a good game when it comes to her ?. People say Beyoncé wasn't overtly sexual until she released Beyoncé, but this song is proof that's not true. Upgrade your life and give this treasure a spin.
Sample lyric: "Let's go, let's go little kitty cat, I think it's time to go / Let's go, little kitty cat, He don't want no mo'"
Columbia / Via giphy.com
9 Of The Worst VMA Video Of The Year Winners Of All Time
How did some of these even get nominated?
Britney Spears – "Piece of Me" (2008)
The "Piece of Me" video isn't that bad on its own. The problem is "Piece Of Me" isn't anywhere near as good as the Britney videos that didn't win the top prize. Seriously, the pop star has had so many pop culture-defining videos, and "Piece of Me" is the only one to win Video of the Year?! It's just sad. Considering that genuinely iconic clips like "...Baby One More Time," "I'm A Slave 4 U," "Toxic," and "Me Against The Music" failed to win a Moonman for Video Of The Year, giving it to "Piece Of Me" seems more like MTV apologizing for never giving Britney the top prize than anything else.
What Should Have Won: The Ting Tings – "Shut Up and Let Me Go"
Rihanna – "Umbrella" (2007)
Like "Piece of Me," the "Umbrella" music video isn't a disaster. It's just sort of unremarkable. For most of us, this video served as our first introduction to Rihanna. Maybe it only looks a little on the dull side because in the eight years (woah) since the video was released, Riri has proven herself capable of vastly more complex and interesting things. Put this video next to the one for "Bitch Better Have My Money" and there's really no comparison.
What Should Have Won: Justice – "D.A.N.C.E."
Eminem – "The Real Slim Shady" (2000)
While some of Eminem's output has stood the test of time, most of his early singles sound pretty dated. Combine that with a video that's sole purpose is to make fun of as many 2002 references as possible and you get a Video Of The Year winner that hasn't aged anywhere near as well as its competition. Honestly, it's kind of shocking to see how poorly Em's "dangerous" persona as America's Biggest Rapper and Your Mom's Worst Nightmare has aged. The whole thing seems silly now.
What Should Have Won: 'N Sync – "Bye Bye Bye"
Green Day - "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" (2005)
This video is basically just Green Day slowly walking around with their hands in their pockets while staring at the ground. Sound familiar? That's because the band did the same thing (but better) 11 years before in their video for "When I Come Around."
What Should Have Won: Gwen Stefani – "Hollaback Girl"
35 Pictures That Prove The 2005 VMAs Were The Best VMAs
People used to wear dresses over jeans like it was NBD, bruh.
Host Sean "P. Diddy" Combs wore so much white.
Kevin Winter / Getty Images
This was Kanye's ~lewk~.
Evan Agostini / Getty Images
Two-thirds of Green Day kept their sunglasses on.
Evan Agostini / Getty Images
These two. What even.
Evan Agostini / Getty Images
26 Iconic VMA Performances You'll Remember Forever
In the midst of one of the craziest award shows of the year, let’s remember the greats.
Britney Spears - "I'm A Slave 4 U," 2001 VMAs
A true goddess walked among us that day, and still walks among us today. We were blessed with this snake performance, and the world WILL NEVER FORGET.
Justin Timberlake - Vanguard Award Performance, 2013
In a single moment, the entire world collectively sobbed at the glorious reunion of NSYNC. And JT was serving dance moves for days.
Mariah Carey - "Shake It Off" / "We Belong Together," 2005
Anthems of the year and the century, TBH.
Beyoncé - "Ring The Alarm," 2006
Beyoncé *literally* fights the police in this performance. She gave tooth and nail to serve you desperate housewife realness.
Miley Cyrus Just Released A 23-Song Album For Free
Miley Cyrus And Her Dead Pets is available now!
Forget the VMAs, Miley Cyrus just dropped two full albums worth of material for free!
The pop star has been teasing the release for months, telling Paper magazine that she was working on some "avant-garde" new music and Marie Claire that she wanted her next album to be available to fans for free.
Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images
Titled Miley Cyrus And Her Dead Pets the 23-song project was released via SoundCloud late Sunday night.
Miley Cyrus
1.Dooo It!
2.Karen Don't Be Sad
3.The Floyd Song (Sunrise)
4.Something About Space Dude
5.Space Boots
6.Fuckin Fucked Up
7.BB Talk
8.Fweaky
9.Bang Me Box
10.Milky Milky Milk
11.Cyrus Skies
12.Slab Of Butter (Scorpion) [ft. Sarah Barthel of Phantogram]
13.I'm So Drunk
14.I Forgive Yiew
15.I Get So Scared
16.Lighter
17.Tangerine (ft. Big Sean)
18.Tiger Dream (ft. Ariel Pink)
19.Evil Is But A Shadow
20.1 Sun
21.Pablow The Blowfish
22.Miley Tibetan Bowlzzz
23.Twinkle Song
Vanessa Hudgens' Dress Confirms That The VMAs Are Basically Formal Coachella
How has nobody noticed this before?
Christopher Polk / Getty Images
Theo Wargo / Getty Images
What Are the Worst Airports in the World?
What Are the Worst Airports in the World?
The most hated and most loved — well, tolerated — airports.
August 30, 2015 at 11:29PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/1Q1xKpt
What's a gay man's favorite planet?
Earth, most likely. Unless he's personally interested in space exploration, in which case he might say Mars.
A feminist visited a Muslim country and was unhappy with the treatment of women there...
All of the Muslim men made their wives walk at least five feet behind them. The visiting feminist was outraged, "How could you be so sexist? This is an outrage!"
She left the country, only to return years later. Much to her surprise, all of the women were walking five feet ahead of their husbands. The feminist couldn't believe it. "What changed? Why are you so progressive now?" One of the men overheard and said with a smile... "land mines."
Things That Very Well Could Happen At This Year’s VMAs
… and we made a Bingo game out of it so you can play along.
Remember this?
MTV / Via Giphy
AND THIS?
MTV / Via breatheheavy.com
Sit back, relax, and enjoy our predictions!
MTV / Via gossiponthis.com
Hooker
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?" Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job." Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Jesus Christ! No hand-job is v worth that kind of money!" The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?" "Yes." "Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?" "Yes." "And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?" "Yes." "Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500." Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby motel.
A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?" The hooker replies, "$1,500." "$1,500? My God! No blow-job could be worth that. A televangelist wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!" The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500." The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign me up."
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?" The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?" "Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"
"No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had a pussy."
Chủ Nhật, 30 tháng 8, 2015
Why Holden Caulfield Thinks Wheels On the Buses are Phony
Total travel time to and from Wheels on the bus song for baby: about some hours.
"The first day I went along to school, I was like, do I really need to do this? " Freeman, eighteen, said. But the ride quickly became routine, and now Freeman doesn't hesitate to shoot down the notion of trading the two-hour visit to the science and technology magnet school for your 10 minutes it would take him to go to his local high school.
It used to be that students with the longest bus rides were those that have rural addresses. Today, however, more and more of the longest school bus commutes remain in suburban students, willing to put in the time to be able to attend a prestigious magnet institution.
"Oh, I think it's more than worth it, " said Freeman, a mature at Thomas Jefferson. "I'm very happy at this school. It's among those opportunities that comes to maybe a lucky few students. "
Sometimes the duration of the trips that students are able to endure even surprises adults.
"I'll let you know when I felt it -- about that rare occasion when children miss the bus, and I am just taking them home. I'm contemplating, 'Wow, "' said Montgomery Blair High school Principal Phillip Gainous. Long commutes are getting to be routine at the Silver Spring high school, one of the largest inside Montgomery and home to magnet programs in communications and scientific disciplines that lure students from over the county.
School officials across the region strain to keep regular, in-boundary school bus rides under 1 hour. But that has no keeping on magnet school commutes, which in turn easily stretch longer. Students learn to make the best of the item: One recent morning, a group of Thomas Jefferson freshmen huddled around a smaller light clamped to a math textbook to review for a test. Another college student strummed a guitar. Still others dozed to music using their portable CD players.
Montgomery Blair once offered a buddy program that gave far-flung students safe places to settle if the roads were tied up with bad weather or mishaps. But the program died out from lack of use, Gainous claimed. "We don't do that any more, because the kids are very much accustomed to traveling or waiting for the school, " he said. "They just sleep or do their groundwork. "
Grace Chung, a 15-year-old Thomas Jefferson sophomore, tries to squeeze using some study time on the coach. But she's seen far a lot more intricate maneuvers: A friend once made a total poster for spirit week, including glitter, during the commute in order to school.
"She had her glue and also her glitter. She would pour it on the glue and then pour it last the jar -- I don't think she spilled a single little bit of glitter, " she said.
Grace's basic school is Chantilly. Like just about any traffic-hardened veteran, she separates your ex commuting time into "good visitors days" and "bad traffic times. "
"Sometimes if traffic is basically good, we get there on 8 a. m., " vacation of about a half-hour, Sophistication said. "And sometimes we arrive right before the bell rings" in 8: 30. On a recent icy morning that spawned a multitude of car accidents and backups, Grace made it to school at 9: 25.
She sees the positives. "You make a great deal of friends on the bus. I can take homework that I don't learn how to do and say, 'Here, support me. ' There's some math whizzes about the bus. It's like study lounge. "
In Prince William County, 18-year-old Alan Hogan's hour-long bus ride is more like those of old: No magnet school, he just lives within the rural, western part of the particular county. The stars are still bright when Hogan gets about the bus each morning. He attends Stonewall Jackson Senior high school, near Manassas. Prince William is creating a high school for western-area students, but it won't open until finally 2004.
Until then, the kids just get accustomed to the journey.
Religion and squirrels
There were four churches and a synagogue in a small town: a Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue. Each church and the synagogue had a problem with squirrels.The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.
But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue, but it's rumored that they took one squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel on their property since.
Avril Lavigne Joined Taylor Swift On Stage And Resolved Their Feud
There’s clearly no bad blood between these pop princesses.
So naturally we all rolled up our sleeves for a new Twitter feud to start...
Big Machine
Two old friends meet in bar...
[translated from Turkish]
-Hey Jack! How have you been! It's been months!
-Bonjour Monsieur ! Indeed, it's been a while
-"Bonjour Monsieur"? What's this French?
-Mais biensur !
-Don't screw with me Jack. I know you don't know French. We both went to the same school and we never had any French lessons!!
-No, no! I'm learning via the radio. 99.3 FM. Every day at 10AM you have French lessons. Very easy, I suggest you try.
-Oh, ok, cool I'll give a try tomorrow.
Next morning he calls Jack: -Yo Jack, I have those old radios with a needle for tuning. Does it work with those old radios too?
-Sure! Scroll to 99, then go a little further to the right.
-Oh cool! Thx!
-Mais de rien !
-oh! stfu already...
Couple of weeks later, he meets Jack again. And Jack asks: -Salut mon ami, How is your French?
- Shhhszzzzoussssshzzziuhli! (static noise)
[probably not the best written joke :/]
Husband and wife go to a club
They notice a guy on the dance floor giving everyone a show. He's breakdancing, moon walking and even throwing in a few backflips. The wife turns to the husband and says, "see that guy on the dance floor? He proposed to be 25 years ago and I turned him down!" Husband says "Yeah looks like he's still celebrating!"
I hope Jeb Bush wins the primaries
Then takes Dick Cheney as his running mate. There campaign slogan would be "same dick, new bush."
A man is in the hospital for stomach problems when he suddenly gets diarrhea and shits in bed.
Panicking, the man folds the sheet with the poo and throws it out the window.
The sheet lands on a man walking by. The man wrestles a little with the sheet and the poop comes flowing out.
Another man walks by and asks him what he's doing.
"Damn,you'll never believe me," he replies. "But I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!!
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks ...
'Excuthe me, do you have any widdle wabbits?' The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and says, 'Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fwuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown wabbit over there?' The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers ... 'I don't weally fink my pyfon gives a phuk!!..
A couple wants to have a quickie...
...but their son is in the house. So they tell him to go out on the balcony and tell them what's going on in the neighborhood while they do their thing. He proceeds to the balcony and begins reporting what he sees. "Looks like the Jeffersons got a new dog." he said. "Oh! And the Alans are moving out." he exclaimed. "Look at that. Looks like the Johnsons are having sex." The couple stops dead. "How do you know the Johnsons are making love?" said the boys father. After a short pause he replies, "Becase their kid is out on the balcony."
How the Ballpoint Pen Changed Handwriting
How the Ballpoint Pen Changed Handwriting
Thicker ink, fewer smudges, and more strained hands.
August 29, 2015 at 11:02PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/1VhTIYc
Jesus has been living in my heart for years...
...and I still haven't received one rent check!
No wonder they call him king of the Jews...
A mugged turtle..
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
21 Times Willow Smith Mystified Your Life On Instagram
*Mystic managed*
When she channeled her inner Einstein.
When was an ethereal desert goddess.
When she showed us what the world would be like if water came from a different universe.
When she found peace in this tree.
This Is The Best Michael Jackson Tribute You'll Watch Today
Singer Jade Novah paid tribute to the King of Pop with a beautiful medley of his hits on what would have been his 57th birthday.
Today, Michael Jackson, aka the King of Pop, would've celebrated his 57th birthday.
Unfortunately, Jackson passed away in June of 2009.
Although he is gone, fans of the superstar still find ways to show their appreciation for his work.
Last week, the world was blown away by Jade Novah's impeccable impersonation of Beyoncé, and her jaw-dropping singing talent. But Novah is a huge fan of Jackson, too.
"Michael Jackson is a huge influence of mine! The way that he tells stories through his songs and visuals has inspired me to bring that storytelling element back to music!" Novah told BuzzFeed.
Along with her producer, Devin Johnson, Novah decided to honor MJ by doing a mash-up of her favorite songs by the late singer.
Novah included the hits "Smooth Criminal," "Thriller," "ABC," "Human Nature," "I'll Be There," and "Black or White" in her tribute.
22 Times Liam Payne Made Us Exceptionally Grateful
Happy 22nd birthday to the man of our dreams.
When he auditioned for The X-Factor UK and blessed us with his sweet, angelic voice.
ITV
When he *literally* woke up like this, and slayed us all.
The time he proved he'd be perfect for the next Jurassic Park.
59 People Taylor Swift Will Probably Invite On Stage In Australia
Please welcome to the stage, my mate…
Mat Whitehead / Getty Images / Thinkstock
1. Delta Goodrem.
2. Jess Mauboy.
3. Kylie Minogue.
4. Ruby Rose.
5. The Veronicas.
6. Miranda Kerr.
7. Gabriella Cilmi and Vanessa Amorosi.
8. Rebel Wilson.
9. Bindi Irwin.
10. Olivia Newton John.
11. Dame Edna.
12. Monica Trapaga.
13. Daryl Somers and Ossie Ostrich.
14. Bert Newton and Burgo.
15. Karl Stefanovic and Lee Lin Chin.
16. Mr Clicketty Cane.
17. Plucka Duck.
18. That Hemsworth cousin who was on My Kitchen Rules.
19. Farnsey and Barnsey.
Mat Whitehead / Getty Images
20. B1 and B2.
21. Irene from Home and Away.
22. Alf Stewart's flamin' galahs.
23. Mike Whitney and Tania Zaetta from Who Dares Wins.
24. A pile of snakes.
25. Former Prime Minister Harold Holt.
26. Captain Feathersword's sword.
27. That guy who's just waiting for a mate.
28. The Australian electrical engineer responsible for the creation of WiFi, John O'Sullivan.
29. Axle Whitehead's scrotum.
30. Madison Avenue's glass of water.
31. Guy Sebastian's fro.
32. The reanimated corpse of the Mr Squiggle puppet.
33. The original "Happy Little Vegemite" kids.
34. The Sydney seal.
35. The man who had his hand up Agro's butt.
36. Skippy the Bush Kangaroo.
37. The robot version of Healthy Harold.
38. The Chk Chk Boom girl and Corey Worthington.
How Well Do You Remember Ashlee Simpson's "Shadow"?
Relive some iconic emotions.
And now that you've obviously won this game, relive the greatness.
Vance Joy On 14 Dating Dealbreakers
Vance Joy and Jenna Williams for BuzzFeed
If you don't know the name Vance Joy, that's going to change real soon. Not only is the handsome Aussie the voice of hits like "Riptide," "Mess is Mine," and new single "Fire and the Flood," he's been traveling the world as the opening act on Taylor Swift's epic 1989 tour.
Since he's in Los Angeles to attend the Video Music Awards — he's nominated for Artist to Watch, which you can vote for here — Vance stopped by BuzzFeed LA and played a little game of "Mess is Mine/Mess is Yours."
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
Let's get started!
1. They don't share the same taste in music as you.
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
Vance Joy: That's OK, I can deal with that.
2. They don't want to hang out with your friends.
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
Vance: I think that would be a dealbreaker because I'm personally always talking about my friends. If I'm seeing a girl, I'll tell her how great my friends are so I guess she has to deal with that.
3. They barely text you at all and can go for days without communicating.
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
4. They're attached to their phones at all times.
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
Vance: Look if it was just that one thing — I can accept that.
5. They talk about their exes all the time.
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
Vance: Especially early on because you go through that jealousy phase when things just make you insanely jealous. It's OK... eventually.
6. They want to introduce you to their parents after the first date.
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
7. They're rude to waiters.
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
Vance: That's maybe a true indication of someone's personality.
8. They’re a super health nut who hates junk food.
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
Vance: They hate junk food?! [Shows "MESS IS YOURS"]. I have a sweet tooth.
9. They're your number one fan.
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
Vance: Definitely. It's too hard 'cause they think you're one thing and you might be another thing.
10. They're constantly late.
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
Vance: I'm a late person so in that instance, I'll be the early person.
11. They're pretty sloppy drunks who just can't hang.
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
12. Their family is really overbearing.
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
13. They have bad taste in movies.
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
Vance: You know, I've had instances where I've walked out of movies and I've loved it and the person I'm with is like, "That was the worst movie ever" and I'm just like, far out I'm making some serious judgements about you right now.
14. They hate vegemite.
Macey J. Foronda and David Bertozzi for BuzzFeed
Vance: It's fine!
In absolutely awesome news, you can vote for Vance Joy to win the Artist to Watch award at this year's Video Music Awards! Just click here.
Macey J. Foronda and Jenna Williams for BuzzFeed
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