A labracadabrador
Thứ Tư, 30 tháng 9, 2015
NSFW Nearly humped a ladyboy
In Thailand and man it was so close, she looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady, kissed like a lady.. It was only when she drove me home and reversed perfectly into my drive 1st time, I thought to myself, "hang on a fuckin minute"!
So this guy is driving down the street and sees a woman with some big ol titties!
He says to himself, "I must have those in my mouth!"
He told his driver to pull over and he told her he would give her a hundred dollars to let him bite her nipples...
She replied, "what! You're gross get away"
He then said "I'll give you a thousand dollars to let Me bite your nipple!"
"I told you to get away creep!" She said
"Final offer, I'll give you a MILLION dollars to let me bite your nipple!" He yelled
After a second of deliberation.... She reluctantly accepts.
They go to back alley and she takes off her top. The man starts rubbing her titties & sucking her nipples.
"Well aren't you gonna bite my nipple?!?!" She shouts
"Naw that cost too much"
A man gets "I love you" tattooed on his penis...
He goes home and tears his pants off, eager to show his girlfriend.
She looks at him and shakes her head saying "there you go again trying to put words in my mouth".
Going to Italy
A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy.
"With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.
Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I'm getting a free trip to Italy ."
"I see," the captain says. Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
Bob was in trouble...
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
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