What do you call a Polish fisherman?

A fishing pole.

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Why did the double agent cross the road?

Because he never really was on your side.

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I can sum up 2016 in four words

Two thousand and sixteen

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As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife.

She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh."

The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife.

He asks hopefully, "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

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Why was the little ink drop crying?

His mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence would be.

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My wife found me in the kitchen naked holding a gun

"What the hell are you doing?" she screamed, shocked at my appearance.

"Quiet woman! I'm hunting decepticons!" I whispered back harshly.

She put her hands on her hips. "You've been sleep walking again! There are no such thing as decepticons!"

I blinked, realizing how stupid I looked.

"I guess you're right! Man I must look like and idiot!" I said.

She laughed.

I laughed.

The toaster laughed.

I shot the toaster.

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My wife said, "If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?"

I said, "Your husband."

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