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Thứ Sáu, 5 tháng 5, 2017

A married couple had a deadbeat son.

An married couple had a son in his late 20s still living at home. The parents were concerned that they're son showed a disinterest with pursuing settling down getting on with his life.

The son was working at his part-time job at a pizza place. The dad, at home, said, "I have an idea." He laid out a handful of hundred dollar bills, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey

His wife said, "what's this for?" The husband, "This will give us an idea of what path our son will take. If he takes the money, he's going to be a successful businessman. If he takes the Bible, he's going to be a preacher. But, if he takes the Whiskey, our son will be a deadbeat drunkard."

With the son coming home any minute, the couple hid in the closet to see which item their son will choose.

The son comes home, sees the items lying on the table. He grabs the wad of cash, skims through it, and puts it in his pocket. He grabs the Bible, skims through it for a good while, and puts it in his back pocket. He grabs the bottle of whiskey, opens it, smells the aroma as if it were a fine wine, then drinks half the bottle and takes it with him as he leaves the room.

"Now what?" The wife asked. "Our son took them all!"

"It's even worse than I thought," the father replied. "He's going to be a politician!"

The Thieves Who Steal Sunken Warships, Right Down to the Bolts


The Thieves Who Steal Sunken Warships, Right Down to the Bolts
How could someone (or many someones) steal a single multi-ton ship — let alone three or four — without leaving a trace?

May 5, 2017 at 02:12AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2qDomSR

My 16 year old daughter introduced her boyfriend

My 16 year old daughter came home today and said:

"Dad, I'd like you to meet my new boyfriend Mike."

"Are you kidding me?!" I said, "What the fuck are you doing with this ugly loser? Don't scrape the barrel, you can do much better than this!"

"Dad!!" my daughter screamed, "Mike is lovely!"

"I know." I replied "I was talking to him."

A girl brings her new fiance home to meet her parents for the very first time.

So a girl brings her new fiancee home to meet her parents. Boy looks like a hipster (scarf, big bushy beard, etc.) Understandably, her father would like to know the boy better and so he takes him to his study for a private conversation.

Dad: "So, John. What do you do for a living?"

Fiancee: "Well, I'm an artist."

D: "So you're doing well?"

F: "I paint, and god provides me with all I need to live."

So the dad is a bit confused.

D: "And what will you do when you marry my daughter? Will your art provide for the two of you?"

F: "I will paint, and god will provide for us."

D: "And when you have kids?"

F: "I will paint, and god will provide for my family."

The dad nods and walks out of the study. Outside, his daughter is anxiously waiting for him.

Daughter: "So, daddy? What'd you think of him? He's great, isn't he?"

"Well, sweetie," says the father, "I don't like his job choice. But, on the other hand, I LOVE what he calls me!"

Damn girl are you a windows update?

'Cause I'll do you later

Thứ Năm, 4 tháng 5, 2017

Poor mermaid

Paddy English man, Irish man and Welsh man are on the beach. They see a mermaid sitting on a rock. The most beautiful creature they had ever seen.

English man goes up and asks, have you every been kissed? The mermaid is all coy and says no. English man gives her a gentle kiss on the cheek.Welsh man goes up and asks, have you ever been hugged. Again the mermaid says no so he hugs her.

Irish man rocks up and asks, Ever been fucked? The mermaid goes a bit red in the face and says no.To which Irish man replies, you are now, the tides gone out.

Lady jumps out of the shower and door bell rings...

- "Who is it?" she yells, trying to find her robe.

- "It's the blind man"

The lady goes to the door topless and opens it.

- "Nice tits lady! Now, where do you want your blinds installed?"