An American sailor walks up to a urinal and starts peeing...

... A few seconds later, a fellow Irish sailor goes to the urinal next to him and starts peeing. The American's eyes start to wander, and he can't help but look down at the Irish man's penis and notice a "W" and "Y" tattooed down there. "I'm really sorry that I looked over," says the American, "but i have to ask. Why do you have a 'WY' tatooed on your penis?" "You got me," responds the Irish sailor. "Me girl back home is named Wendy, and the tattoo says 'Wendy' when fully erect." The American nods and goes on his way.

A few days later, the American again walks up to a urinal and starts peeing. A few seconds later, a Nigerian sailor goes to the urinal next to him and starts peeing as well. Again, the American's eyes wander and, surprisingly, he sees the same "WY" tattoo on the Nigerian's penis. Shocked and confused, the American says "Look I know this sounds weird, but do you have a girl named Wendy back home waiting for you?" "No," the Nigerian responds, "I just really miss my home country so I got a tattoo that says 'Welcome to Nigeria, we hope you have a wonderful day' when fully erect."

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My friend told me this joke a while ago, and I thought that it was pretty good:

A man goes to a restaurant and sits down to eat.

The waiter comes by and asks him what he would like to eat.

The man says, “I’ll have one of your world-famous burgers with lettuce and onions on it.”

The waiter responds, “I’m sorry sir, but we’re fresh out of onions.”

“Oh, that’s fine. I’ll just have some French Onion Soup, then.”

“Sir, I told you, we’re out of onions.”

“I understand. I’ll have some onion-stuffed quesadilla.”

“Sir for the last time, we are out of onions.”

“Alright, alright! I hear you! I’m not that hungry anyways, I’ll just get those all-natural onion rings you have there.”

The frustrated waiter, growing impatient, sighs, and looks at the man.

“Look,” he says. “What do you get if you take the ‘milk’ out of ‘buttermilk?’”

The man, confused, replies, “Uh, you just have the word butter.”

“And what do you get if you take the ‘straw’ out of ‘strawberry?’”

The man, still perplexed, responds, “Berry.”

“And what do you get if you take the ‘fuck’ out of ‘onions?’”

“There ain’t no ‘fuck’ in ‘onions!’”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!”

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Doctor: Well, it looks like you're pregnant.

Woman: Oh my God, I'm pregnant?!

Doctor: No, it just looks like you are.

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Everyone knows Albert Einstein was a genius...

but his brother, Frank, was a real monster.

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Everything We Definitely Know About 'The Room's Tommy Wiseau

Everything We Definitely Know About 'The Room's Tommy Wiseau
Tommy Wiseau directed the legendarily awful 2003 motion picture "The Room"; this we know for certain. Beyond that, things start to get murky.

November 24, 2017 at 10:06PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2A3W9eQ

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Bubba dies in a fire and his body is pretty badly burned.

The morgue sends for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, to identify the body.

Daryl arrives first, and when the mortician pulls back the sheet,

Daryl says, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad.

You better roll him over."

The mortician rolls him over, and Daryl says, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician thinks this is strange.

Then he brings Gomer in to identify the body.

Gomer takes a look at the face and says, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asks, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two a**holes."

"What? He had two assholes?!" exclaims the mortician.

"Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

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They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship

Not sure if it's my wife or my girlfriend.

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