went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound
Thứ Sáu, 24 tháng 5, 2019
A Mormon and Irishman are on a plane
A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.
“Oh My God – Hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled to her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”
I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there.
If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both, she replied.
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window.
As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to “blend in” as best he could.
After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.
“Oh yes” he replied, gasping in air.
Another runner moved alongside. “Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?”
“Oh, yes” he answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
“Only if it’s raining.”
This Poor Farmer Has Literally The Shittiest Day Ever At Work
This Poor Farmer Has Literally The Shittiest Day Ever At Work
Nothing to make you feel more cowed at work than being in the firing line of a cow's projectile poop.
May 23, 2019 at 07:34PM
via Digg http://bit.ly/2Wklpt6
A man goes to the Council to apply for a job
The interviewer asks him, ''Are you allergic to anything?''
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee.''
''OK, have you ever been in the military service?''
he says, ''l was in Iraq for one tour.'' The interviewer says, ''That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.'' The interviewer then asks, ''Are you disabled in any way?''
The man says, ''Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.''
The interviewer grimaces and then says, ''Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. You can start tomorrow at 10 a.m., and plan on starting at 10 a.m. every day."
The man is puzzled and asks, ''If the work hours are from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., why don't you want me here until 10?"
''This is a government job," the interviewer says. ''For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
I told you I was broke
A little lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning" said the young man. "If I can take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high power vacuum cleaner"
"Go away" said the old lady. "I'm broke and haven't got any money!" She proceeds to close the door.
Quick as a flash the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open."Don't be too hasty!" He said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure on to her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum does not remove all traces of manure from your carpet, madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said "well let me get you a fork, cause they cut off my electricity this morning.
Credits goes to the homemade humor.
Sadly their site isn't around any more so I thought I can share some of their best works with you all.
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