A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap??

"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.

When the dad gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"

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As the child of a gay couple, I thought I was immune to Yo Mama jokes

Until someone said: Yo mama so ugly, your dad had to get a husband.

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A bear walks into bar. Bartender asks, “What would you like to drink”? Bear says, “I’ll have a rum and coke...

My Boss: What’s the joke? I don’t get it.

Me: What do you mean you don’t get it? Just think about it.

My Boss: The Bear can talk?

Me: No, that’s not the joke.

My Boss: The Bear can walk into a bar?

Me: No, that’s not the joke either.

My Boss: The Bear likes to drink?

Me: No, you’re overthinking it.

My Boss: Okay can you just explain it to me then?

Me: Of course not that would ruin the joke!

Conversation eventually changes topics because my boss doesn’t care anymore, I leave work a few hours later

I go to my boss’s office the next morning

Me: Hey Boss can I talk to you about something?

My Boss: Yeah sure what is it?

Me: ...and would you mind throwing a few ice cubes in there?” Bartender asks, “Why the long pause?” Bear replies, “I was born with them!”

Anyways, I need a new job so if anyone’s hiring please let me know.

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My boyfriend just told me he has an STD...

Looks like I'm gonorrheavaluate this relationship.

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Spanking your own kids is already low but if you spank someone else's kid

you've hit a new bottom

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A sheep, a drum and a snake fell off a cliff.

BAA-DUMM-TSSS

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The UN decided to do a worldwide survey and the only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant.

And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

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