Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
Chủ Nhật, 31 tháng 5, 2020
Depressing pickup lines.
Are you suicide? Because I think about you every day.
Are you a toaster? Because I really want to take a bath with you.
Are you a noose? Because I really want to hang with you.
Are you a gravestone? Because I really wish you were on top of me.
Are you anti-depressants? Because if I don’t have you every day I’m going to kill myself.
Are you a coffin? Because I really wish I was inside you right now.
Are you a coroner? Because I really want you to inspect my body.
Are you a death certificate? Because I really wish you were mine.
Are you an electrical outlet? Because I really want to stick my fingers in you.
Are you traffic? Because running into you would really make my day.
Are you a sinking ship? Because I’d really like to go down on you.
A preacher's wife is preparing for dinner and makes her way to the butcher...
"I'd like your best ham, please," she says to the butcher.
"You'll have The Damn Ham," he replies.
Taken aback, she asks, "Sir, could you please not use that sort of language around me? My husband is a preacher, and I am a devout Christian."
"No, ma'am, I think you misunderstood. That's the name of our best ham - The Damn Ham."
"Oh," she replies. "Well, I'll take The Damn Ham!"
Later as she's preparing dinner, her husband arrives.
"Smells great in here!" he says as he enters. "What are you cooking, honey?"
"The Damn Ham," she tells him.
"What has gotten into you?" he asks. "You know that we do not use that kind of language in this house."
"No, dear, that's the name of this ham - The Damn Ham," she explains.
"Oh, I see. Well, The Damn Ham smells delicious!"
After a while, the two of them and their two sons are sitting at the table enjoying a well made dinner. Going in for seconds, the preacher turns to his wife and asks, "Dear, could you pass me The Damn Ham?"
One of the sons jumps up, slaps the table, and yells, "That's the spirit, Dad! Pass the fucking peas!"
Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..
Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..
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