A lot of people asked me why the line for drinks is before the line for food, so I explained
Thứ Tư, 22 tháng 7, 2020
A man named Rick walks into his room after a long day of work and sees his wife crying on their bed.
He askes her what it was all about and she said that she had been threatened by someone she thought was her friend earlier that evening.
Now, Rick has no idea how to handle this, so goes to confront his friend Lee, who has some experience with things like this.
After a long discussion Lee concludes and says “Dude you just need to be there for her. Comfort her and just be her anchor until she can get back on solid ground.”
From this a flurry of questions came to Rick
So Rick asked-Lee
How do I tell her I’m never gonna give her up
How do I tell her I’m never gonna let her down
How do I tell her I’m never gonna turn around and desert her?
How do I tell her I’m not gonna let her cry
And I’m never gonna say goodbye?
How do I say I’m never gonna lie and hurt her?
A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus. Two days later, he gets a call from the lab.
Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.
Man: So what am I supposed to do now?
Doctor: I'd recommend taking her for a long walk and leaving her, if she finds her way back home, don't open the door.
A guy gets pulled over by police, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.”
“I can’t”, the guy says “I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.”
“Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.”
“Can’t do that either,” Jim replies, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.”
“Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.”
“Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.”
“Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.”
“Can’t do that either” responds Jim.
“Why not?” asked the cop.
“Well, because I’m drunk! I could go to jail!"
NSFW A farmer sells his peaches door to door
A peach farmer decides to sell his peaches door to door. He knocks on an apartment door and this gorgeous lady wearing a teddy opens the door.
The farmer stutters in surprise and asks if she would like some peaches. He shows her one and “says they are firm, subtle and very nice to the touch.”.
The lady drops a strap to show one of her breasts and asks “are they as firm, subtle and nice to touch as this”.
The farmer stutters “No”. The farmer then says in looking at the peaches “you can see how perfect and juicy they are”.
The lady lifts up her teddy a little to expose almost all her legs and ask “more perfect and juicy as all this?”
The farmer stutters “No”.
The lady grabs him and pulls him into the apartment and shuts the door while saying “shh, someone’s coming.”
She steps back a few steps and drops the teddy to the ground.
She asks” That in looking at this body, what do you think is the perfect part?”
The farmer stutters, “Your hearing!!” “My hearing” she screams.
He replies; :”Yes, ma’am, when you heard someone coming - it was me!”
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