You b*****d!

A man was brought before the court to recieve his verdict. "For the murder of your mother-in-law with numerous blows to the head with a hammer, we, the jury, find you guilty." A voice in the back yells: "You bastard!" "For the murder of your wife with numerous blows to the head with a hammer, we, the jury, find you guilty." The voice in the back yells: "You bastaard!" "For the murder of your daughter with numerous blows to the head with a hammer, we, the jury, find you guilty." "You bastaaard!" The judge having had enough, calls out the man in...

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A boy starts his first day working at walmart

A boy starts his first day at walmart. His trainer says to him " I'll take care of the first 2 customers to show you how it's done and you can look after the 3rd" So the trainer goes to the first customer and says " can I help you mam?" Lady goes "Ya I'm looking for some garden hose." Trainer " ok 10, 20 or 30 ft?" Lady "30ft" Trainer takes the lady to where the lawn hoses are and says "after can I interest you in a lawn mower?" Lady goes "why would I need a lawn mower?" Trainer " well your gonna water your grass, grass is gonna grow and your...

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The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his Deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AUDITOR: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them". Boat Owner: “Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally". IRS AUDITOR:...

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An American, an Indian, and a Russian got in Hell..

An American, an Indian, and a Russian got in Hell and plead to the Devil that they don’t belong here. The Devil, bored, makes them an offer: ‟I’ll strike you 3 times with my whip, and if you survive, I’ll let you go. You can use anything you want as a shield”. The American goes first. He builds a high-tech shield from depleted uranium and composites, and hides behind it. The Devil strikes once - the shield cracks; twice - the shield falls apart; thrice - the American is no more. Next goes the Indian. He puts himself in some advanced Yoga position...

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I can never tell if an old porn star is retired...(NSFW)

Or if they just quit their fucking job....

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What's a pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Sir, We’re writing to you because you’ve violated copyright ......

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[NSFW] A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.

On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well sister, this looks pretty grim." "I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two." "I agree." "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?" "Anything father." "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours." "Well, under...

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