His wife told reporters, at least he didn't suffer - it was instant.
Chủ Nhật, 25 tháng 4, 2021
Thứ Bảy, 24 tháng 4, 2021
4 former US Presidents are caught in a tornado
Four former U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ.
After trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."
"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?" Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well..,Well.., Well.., I ... think I need a brain".
"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart." "I'VE HEARD ITS TRUE." says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?"
"Is Dorothy around?"
A Married Couple Terrified a Cab Driver.
They were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theater, having had a break-in in the past, they turned on a nightlight and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When their cab arrived, they walked out from their front door and their rather tubby cat scooted between their legs, ran inside the house and up the stairs. Because their cat likes to chase their budgie, they really didn’t want to leave it alone. So, the husband ran inside to retrieve the cat and put it in the backyard again.
Since the wife didn’t want the taxi driver to know that their house was going to be empty all evening, she explained to him that her husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to his mother. A few minutes later, he appeared in the cab visibly flustered.
As the cab pulled away, he said, (to her growing horror and amusement)
“Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck.I then wrapped her in a blanket so she couldn’t scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass down the stairs and threw her into the backyard. She had better not sh*t in the vegetable garden again!”
The silence in the taxi was deafening…
A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.The woman's husband also comes home.She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is inthere already.The little boy says, "Dark in here."The man says, "Yes, it is."Boy - "I have a baseball."Man - "That's nice."Boy - "Want to buy it?"Man - "No, thanks."Boy - "My dad's outside."Man - "OK, how much?"Boy - "$250"In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover arein the closet together.Boy - "Dark in here."Man - "Yes, it is."Boy - "I have a baseball glove."The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"Boy - "$750"Man - "Fine."A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's gooutside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold mybaseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell themfor?"Boy - "$1,000"The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends likethat...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in theconfession booth and he closes the door.The boy says, "Dark in here."The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."
Edit: A wholesome award? You all are funny!
Today I wrote my first fully original joke. It's bad.
So there was once this one giant who had magic powers. So the giant being so tall and heavy was afraid of storing things on the floor because he would sometimes step on them and break them without realizing it.
After enough times of that happening he decided he would use his magic to just make a magical floating storage area in the sky. He called the storage area his attic because he thought it was neat, as he'd never been able to fit in a real house with a real attic.
Anywho the magic of the attic had worn down over time and stuff was starting to fall randomly. One day the giant is sleeping on his stomach and a piano falls out of the attic right onto his back. He goes to his village and sees someone who is both a doctor and magician. He says to the doctor/magician "So I was just laying down on my stomach and a piano fell on my lower back". The doctor/magician says "Oh, so you need my medical skills because you have a hurt sciatic?" And the giant says "Actually I need your magic skills because I have a weak sky attic"
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