A rooster goes cockadoodledoo.
My ex goes anycock'lldo.
Thứ Ba, 13 tháng 7, 2021
A guy is lost in the forest, when suddenly a vampire jumps from behind a tree
A guy is lost in the forest, when suddenly a vampire jumps from behind a tree. "I'm thirsty", says the vampire, "I'm going to to bite you in the neck and drink your blood!"
"Nooo!!!" cries the man, "Please don't! I have a wife and kids! I'm too young to die!"
"I don't care" says the vampire, "I still want your blood".
"Please, I beg you!" begs the man. "Have mercy! I'll give you anything. Let me live".
The vampire stops to think. "OK" he says. "I'm in a good mood today, so I will let you choose. Either I drink your blood or I fuck you in the ass".
The poor guy cries, but eventually decides that being fucked in the ass is better than having all his blood being drunk. He takes off his pants and the vampire fucks him in the ass.
After he is done, the man continues crying. "You can go now - I will not drink your blood" says the vampire, trying to cheer him up a bit. "Go back to your wife and kids. No one needs to know what happened".
The man continues crying. "What is someone saw us? I live in a small town. News will spread fast. Everyone will think I'm gay".
The vampire stops him: "You will have to deal with it. It's not the end of the world. Everyone thinks I'm a vampire - you don't see me crying".
I don't know if this belongs to this sub, but gonna share it anyways
Johnny is a smart boy who goes to elementary school. One day, his teacher asks "What is politics?" and he cannot answer. So he gets curious what it actually is and asks his father when he comes back home.
-Dad, what is politics?
-Well son, let me tell it in a way you will understand easier.
-I am listening dad.
-Who works and earns money in this house?
-You do.
-I am the capitalist regime, and who gets the money, and fulfill our needs by buying stuff and organizing the money usage?
-Mom does.
-She is the government. Who takes care of your little brother?
-Nanny.
-She is the worker class, your brother is our future and you are the public since our goal is to maintain your comfort and wealth.
Johnny memorizes everything his father said and then goes to bed. He wakes up to some weird noises. He realizes his brother is crying and when he goes next to him, he sees that his brother filled his diaper. He tries to wake his mom up but she doesn't wake up. Then when he walks through the living room, he sees his dad and his nanny having sex. They don't even see him passing through. When he turns back to his room, he notes down what he learnt.
-I think I understand what politics is now. Capitalism fucks the worker class while government is sleeping. The future is in full of shit and no one gives a damn about the public!
A man walked by a restaurant in London
He noticed all the customers drinking tea in saucers.
He asked one of them as to why he was drinking tea in a saucer.
With tears in his eyes, he replied, “The Italians have taken away our cup"
Thứ Hai, 12 tháng 7, 2021
Jesus went unto the mount of Olives. And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, they said unto him this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
And Jesus said unto them, Let any one of you who is without sin cast the first stone.
At this, those who had heard turned to leave; but one woman picked up a rock and threw it with great force at the head of the harlot, killing her instantly.
Jesus looked at the woman and said, "Mom, what the fuck?"
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