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Thứ Ba, 13 tháng 7, 2021

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day.

A few days later, he delivers the exact same letter to the same house that he picked it up from. He glances at the mailing address and observes that it is indeed the same as the return address. Anyone can make a mistake, so the mailman puts the letter in the mailbox so that the customer can readdress it for its proper recipient. He thinks nothing of it and finishes his day.

The next day, the mailman sees the same mailbox with the flag up. He opens the box and again sees the same letter, nothing changed, but with a new stamp on it. The mailman is perplexed, and thinking to save the customer both time and money, decides to ring the doorbell and inquire about the letter.

Ding-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, Ding-dong.

The door opens and standing there is a stout Buddhist monk, dressed in traditional garb.

“Pardon me, sir,” the mailman says, “but you seem to be trying to mail this letter again, and without any changes to the address, it’s only going to end up back at your home in a few days.”

“Ah, my letter. Thank you so much for mailing it the other day, it was greatly appreciated. Please do so again” replies the Buddhist monk.

“But sir,” says mailman, “you will only waste a stamp, and this letter will be re-delivered to your home a few days from now.”

“But that is my intention, dear man,” replies the Buddhist monk. “You see, reposting is the best way to get karma.”

Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex. The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!”

Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.”

Last guy chuckles, “I have you all beat. I fucked over all the Redditors who were expecting a punchline to this joke.”

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog team up for a cross county adventure…

So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.

The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not.

What's the different between a rooster and my ex girlfriend?

A rooster goes cockadoodledoo.

My ex goes anycock'lldo.

A guy is lost in the forest, when suddenly a vampire jumps from behind a tree

A guy is lost in the forest, when suddenly a vampire jumps from behind a tree. "I'm thirsty", says the vampire, "I'm going to to bite you in the neck and drink your blood!"

"Nooo!!!" cries the man, "Please don't! I have a wife and kids! I'm too young to die!"

"I don't care" says the vampire, "I still want your blood".

"Please, I beg you!" begs the man. "Have mercy! I'll give you anything. Let me live".

The vampire stops to think. "OK" he says. "I'm in a good mood today, so I will let you choose. Either I drink your blood or I fuck you in the ass".

The poor guy cries, but eventually decides that being fucked in the ass is better than having all his blood being drunk. He takes off his pants and the vampire fucks him in the ass.

After he is done, the man continues crying. "You can go now - I will not drink your blood" says the vampire, trying to cheer him up a bit. "Go back to your wife and kids. No one needs to know what happened".

The man continues crying. "What is someone saw us? I live in a small town. News will spread fast. Everyone will think I'm gay".

The vampire stops him: "You will have to deal with it. It's not the end of the world. Everyone thinks I'm a vampire - you don't see me crying".

I don't know if this belongs to this sub, but gonna share it anyways

Johnny is a smart boy who goes to elementary school. One day, his teacher asks "What is politics?" and he cannot answer. So he gets curious what it actually is and asks his father when he comes back home.

-Dad, what is politics?

-Well son, let me tell it in a way you will understand easier.

-I am listening dad.

-Who works and earns money in this house?

-You do.

-I am the capitalist regime, and who gets the money, and fulfill our needs by buying stuff and organizing the money usage?

-Mom does.

-She is the government. Who takes care of your little brother?

-Nanny.

-She is the worker class, your brother is our future and you are the public since our goal is to maintain your comfort and wealth.

Johnny memorizes everything his father said and then goes to bed. He wakes up to some weird noises. He realizes his brother is crying and when he goes next to him, he sees that his brother filled his diaper. He tries to wake his mom up but she doesn't wake up. Then when he walks through the living room, he sees his dad and his nanny having sex. They don't even see him passing through. When he turns back to his room, he notes down what he learnt.

-I think I understand what politics is now. Capitalism fucks the worker class while government is sleeping. The future is in full of shit and no one gives a damn about the public!

The Swordfish has no natural predators...

....Except the Penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.