Americans.
Thứ Sáu, 30 tháng 7, 2021
Was having dinner with the in laws and the MIL said ….
….’How many potatoes would you like?’
I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’
She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cunt”
In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said,”It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers.” “That’s correct”, said the boss. Another glass.”It’s red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels.” “Correct.”The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. “It’s a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, made inside the office. And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll also tell who’s the father!” The boss collapsed!!.
A woman is surprised when her husband comes home early from his job at the deli...
"Hi, honey," she says. "Um... why are you home so early?"
"Well, babe," he replies. "I'm afraid I got fired today."
"Oh, no! What happened?" she asks sympathetically.
"Well, they caught me putting my dick in the pickle slicer so they fired me."
"WHAT?! Honey, why on Earth would you do something like that? Are you OK? Is your dick alright?"
"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. My dick's just fine," he tells her.
"Well..." she asks. "What happened to the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, they fired her too."
3 men appear at the heavens gate. Next to them an angel appears and starts asking them how they got there
The first one starts telling: “I came home early from a day of work. When I suddenly hear my wife scream upstairs. I rush upstairs and see her laying in bed very frightened.I was going to confront her later but first I needed to catch the bastard. I also see the window open and rush to it only to see a man lying on the garage roof. I thought that was the guy we needed so I grab the cabinet and throw it at him. I got the death sentence
The second guy tells the angle after that: “So I was fixing my motorcycle one day when I got tired. And decided to lie on the garage roof to rest a bit. Then I died.
The third guy speaks absolutely baffled: “so I know of absolutely nothing. I was peacefully sitting in a closet. But suddenly…
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