Turns out they were ice skating before it was cool.
Thứ Hai, 30 tháng 8, 2021
Chủ Nhật, 29 tháng 8, 2021
Farmer John and his wife and three sons were living on a small farm in the middle of the Great Depression. (Long)
Their only source of income and solace was their old cow, Mary, who gave them milk, baby cows, company. She was the main family supporter. One day John wakes up and sees her all over the field. Like someone stuck a grenade in her food and she exploded. Grief-stricken, he hang himself on the nearest tree. His wife wakes up, looks at the field, at the cow remains and her husband on the tree and hangs herself next to him. The oldest son wakes up, sees the cow dead, mom and dad dead, he walks to the local stream to drown himself.
And lo and behold, a goldfish appears! She promises to fulfil his three wishes, get his mom, dad and Mary the cow back. Okay, says the brother, but what’s the catch. There is always a catch. She says oh it’s easy you need to fuck me three times. Okay. He fucks her once, twice, can’t go a third time and drowns.
Middle brother wakes up, sees the cow, mom, dad, goes to the stream, sees his brother’s body. But there’s the goldfish and the deal is as before! Fuck me three times and get your wishes fulfilled. He fucks once, twice, can’t go the third time, drowns.
The youngest brother wakes up. Same here, mom and dad dead, cow dead, brothers dead, goldfish appears. You can bring them back just fuck me three times. Three times, he ponders, can I go four? Of course you can. Can I go five? Sure thing. Can I go ten? Mate, go as many times as you like, the goldfish says. So he asks nervously “and you won’t burst like the cow?”.
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush.
Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful.
It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.
They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the rabbi what was happening; "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side." The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Alberta?" The people were dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Alberta?"
The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Alberta."
Camel in the Camp
There was a major that got newly stationed in a base in the middle east. As he inspecting the base, he saw a camel tied to a post. Confused, he calls the nearest private.
"Private Doe!" "Sir! Yes, sir?" "What is this camel doing here at our base?" Asks the Major "Sir, the camel is here sir for when the urges of the troops need to be fulfilled sir!"
Understanding the situation, the Major told him to carry on. . . . Months have passed with no woman in sight. The Major was having urges that he couldn't control anymore. So one day, he calls the private.
"Private Doe!" "Sir! Yes sir?" "Bring the camel to my tent!" "Sir, yes sir!"
When the camel arrives and the private leaves, The Major vigorously fucks the camel like there was no tomorrow. As the Major finishes and steps out, he asks Private Doe:
"Private, isn't that how it's done?"
To which the private replies: . . . "Sir, no sir! We use the camel to go to the nearest town where the women are, sir!"
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