Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble..

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.

The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news..

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch.

I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'

The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big.

She'll read it very slowly... 'com-for-da-bul.'

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A farm boy took his pet duck and got in his pickup to go to the movin’ picture show in town.

He walked up to the ticket booth with his duck under his arm to buy a ticket, but the girl said, “sir, you can’t bring that bird in here”.

The country boy tries to explain ’bout how the duck is a housebroken pet, but the girl says, “SIR, I’m sorry but you can’t bring that animal into the theater”.

So, he’s is sitting in his truck, stroking his duck, trying to think, and has an idea!

He hides his duck down the bib of his overalls and goes and buys a ticket and sits down next to these two town girls with his duck hidden in his pants, and starts watching the movie.

A few minutes later, one of the townie girls nudges the other, and says, “this guys got his cock out”.

Her friend says “ignore him, you seen one, you’ve seen ’em all”.

The first girl replies, “not like this one, it’s eating my popcorn”.

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I know a bit early but .....,

A Little Christmas Story

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce
toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the
per-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which
stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out,
heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked,
the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot
of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk
all the cider and hidden the liquor...

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the
door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa.
Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would
you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the
Christmas tree.

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A school bus full of Catholic girls get in a terrible accident

Nobody survives. All the girls find themselves standing in line at The Pearly Gates. At the front of the line is the angel Gabriel, next to him is a bowl of holy water.

He asks the first girl, "Lucy, have you ever touched a penis before?" Lucy responds, "Well... just once. Billy showed me his, and I touched it with my finger." Gabriel shakes his head sternly, and tells Lucy to dip her finger in the bowl of holy water. After she does, Gabriel opens The Pearly Gates and allows Lucy to pass.

Next in line is Jennifer. Gabriel asks her if she's ever touched a penis before. Embarrassed, little Jenny replies, "Umm, there was one time when Bobby asked me to give him a hand job, so I did." Disappointed, Gabriel tells Jenny to wash her hand in the bowl of holy water, and she can pass through.

As this is happening, a big commotion occurs at the back of the line. Judy is frantically pushing her way up to the front. "Judy! What's the hurry?!" Gabriel asks. Judy screams, "I need to drink out of that bowl before Mary gets up here and sticks her ass in it!"

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I spiced up our sex-life with some flavoured condoms....

My missus said, "Wow! This one tastes just like cheese and onion". I said, "I haven't put it on yet"

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What's the difference between George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Donald Trump, and Jane Fonda?

Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

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Over 17k members! Come see reposts in real time!

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