An older fella got a notice in the mail from the IRS

The letter said for him to show up at the local office for an audit. Being a shrewd kind of guy he decided to take his lawyer with him.

They show up at the office that Monday morning and meet the agent that is doing the audit. " Please have a seat, Mr.Smith. We called you in because we have noticed a great deal of really large sums of cash moving in and out of your account..."

" Oh, that's easy to explain, " said Smith. " I'm a gambler. I'll bet on anything. And sometimes I win really big."

"I don't think i understand", says the agent. Looking at his paperwork he says " Your telling me that you've won as much as a quarter of a million gambling??"

"Oh, sure. I'm telling you I'll bet on anything. I'll give you an example. I'll bet you ten grand right now that i can bite my left eye"

"Well that's just silly, Mr. Smith, really."

"Then what do you have to lose?" Smith said pulling a checkbook from his pocket.

"Fine, said the agent, "I'll take that bet." And as soon as the last word came out of the IRS agents mouth Mr.Smith took out his glass eye and placed it between his teeth. "Well I'll be gawd damn" says the agent, feeling stupid.

" Now don't worry about that" says Smith, just as calm as he pleased " I'll let you win it back. I'll tell you what, I'll bet you twenty grand that i can bite my other eye."

The IRS agents starts thinking about it. " Well he doesn't have a cane, so it's not like he has TWO glass eyes. Plus I'd be up ten grand so..."

"Your on" he says out loud. And Mr.Smith takes out his dentures and promptly chomps on the other eye.

Before the IRS man could speak Smith says " Look. I'm telling you this is how i make my money. But i don't want you to be mad at me. So one last bet. You see that garbage can over there in the corner?" It was about ten feet away "I bet you thirty grand that i can stand here and pee in that can without missing a drop."

The IRS agent looks at the distance, looks at the old man, looks back at the can then says "Your on!"

Our friend Mr. Smith proceeded to pull out his member and whizz all over the man's desk, soaking everything on it. "Ha!!" Yells the IRS agent "I GOT you! You owe me!!" He laughs.

"God DAMN!" yells Smith's lawyer.

"What's wrong with you?" ask the IRS agent.

"On the way over here he bet me half a million that he could piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."