Bill complained to his friend that his elbow hurt, so his friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything.

He said ''Just insert a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he inserted the sample and deposited the $10. After a pause, the computer popped out a slip of paper.

It said "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening, Bill began to wonder if this machine could be fooled.

He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and hair samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, inserted the sample and waited in anticipation. The computer, after a pause, printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins.

Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."