A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach...

A woman with no arms and no legs was lying on the beach as a fit, handsome man walked by.

"Sir," she said, "Would you do me a favor? I'm very lonely here. Would you give me a hug?"

"Certainly," he said, and knelt down to give her a hug.

She blushed and said, "That was wonderful. Can I be very frank with you? Because of my condition, I've only ever been kissed once in my life and that hug was so great, would you do me a favor of giving me a kiss, too?"

"Of course," he said, and laid along, slow, passionate kiss upon her lips. He held her tightly for a full minute, savoring the experience and feeling how she practically melted in his arms.

"Sir," she said, "you are truly amazing. I know this may seem like a shock, but I have one more favor. Again, because of my condition, I've never been fucked. Would you be willing to do that for me and give me a memory that will last for a lifetime?"

The man thought for only a moment, and said, "You got it." Then he leaned down and picked her up, rifled through the purse she had been laying on, and took out her credit card. Then he signed her up for Planet Fitness memberships with monthly payments at 700 gyms across the country, each of which required her to show up in-person to cancel. "There," he said, "now you're fucked."