WARNING - Please don't read if you are easily offended.
What sound does a newborn make when you're fucking it in the ass?
I don't remember, I was too busy laughing!
What do you call a gay guy in the World Trade Center on 9/11?
...
...
A faggot.
What's the best thing about fucking a 9-year-old girl?
Flipping her over and pretending she's a 9-year old boy.
Why is there no black character in the game "Clue"?
Because then it would be called "Solved".
What's better than winning a silver medal at the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.
What's worse than sucking 12 raw oysters out of your grandma's vagina?
Realizing you only put in eleven.
I hate how politically correct we have to be nowadays! You can't even say "black paint" anymore!
You have to say "Jamal, would you kindly paint my fence?"
What do you call a kid with no arms and no legs?
Names.
What's worse than the holocaust?
Six million Jews.
Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the middle ages.
They’re calling it ‘Islam’.
What's the difference between Sara Palin's mouth and her vagina?
Only some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded.
How do you get Hellen Keller to keep a secret?
Break her fingers.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
What do you get when cross an Italian with a gorilla?
A retarded gorilla.
Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
They won't work in the future either.
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Your mom can't take a joke.
What is it about being blind that makes you want to walk the dog the whole time?
Distracting fat people is easy - it's a piece of cake.
Is it not ironic that people with club feet tend to be bad dancers?
The only thing more suspicious than a black man running is a black man tiptoeing.
I had a relationship with a blind girl, which was rewarding but challenging. It took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
I did a standup comedy gig for Alzheimer's sufferers. It was brilliant! Two hours, one joke.
I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world."
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
These are really bad but hey - why not
White guys says - 'I just found out my sister is having a baby with a black guy, well I'll be a monkeys uncle'
My wife suggested today that we get our daughter Christened and I couldn't be more pleased. I'm not religious at all, I just remember what happened when she suggested we Christen the new settee.
What's the solution to world hunger? Stop feeding them! They wont be hungry much longer.
Statistically 9/11 Americans won't get this.
Has anyone else noticed that "Maddie" is an anagram of "I'm dead"?
How is eucharist like a dick?You get them both shoved down your throat by a priest.
What's the biggest cause of paedophilia in this country? Sexy kids.
Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow, but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!
When a man ejaculates, he comes at twenty miles per hour.Which means it's perfectly safe to hit a child.
Dear Jonathan Ross,I've just shagged your daughter. Who's laughing now?Lots of love,Gary Glitter x
My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex.Just this morning she asked, "Is that the best you can do?"
Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve; excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
Failed my biology test today: They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.
Important Notes:
I love offensive jokes. They're the purest, harshest satire of the genuinely offensive thoughts that many people hold in their heads, and occasionally spout out their mouths. Beyond that, they do what all comedy does, they provide an outlet for the ominous, uncomfortable reality we're all a part of. A reality full of death, hate and suffering that we often try to ignore.
They're effective because they express the cruelest ideas imaginable - yet rarely do they surpass the cruelness of reality. The simple fact that these jokes 'register' and make sense to you - even if you don't find them funny - affirms that these are not fabricated out of thin air just to be mean and offend, but rather they're rooted in the world we live in, and only make sense in the context of the reality we all share.
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